Assess the situation. If you’re in class with someone, you can always start by talking about class. If you’re at the same party, talk about the party. It doesn’t need to be complicated: “What do you think of this neighborhood?” is even a fine way to start a conversation. Never try to approach a stranger and start a conversation with a pick-up line or other lame jokes. While it’s not necessarily “rude,” asking someone how much a polar bear weighs doesn’t give you a chance to make conversation, it just gives you a lame dead-end.
Family “How’s your mom these days?” or “How are your parents doing?” “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” or “Did you all get along?” “What was your best/worst family vacation?” Occupation “What do you do?” or “How are you enjoying your new job?” “What’s the toughest thing you’ve got going on at work?” or “What was the most interesting thing you did there this week?” “What are the people you work with like?” Recreation “What do you do for fun?” or “What is there to do around here for fun?” “How long have you been doing that?” “Do you have a regular group of people you do that with?” Motivation “What do you want to do after school?” or “Do you think you’ll be at that job for long? What’s your dream job?” “What do you want to be doing, down the road?”
“How’s your mom these days?” or “How are your parents doing?” “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” or “Did you all get along?” “What was your best/worst family vacation?”
“What do you do?” or “How are you enjoying your new job?” “What’s the toughest thing you’ve got going on at work?” or “What was the most interesting thing you did there this week?” “What are the people you work with like?”
“What do you do for fun?” or “What is there to do around here for fun?” “How long have you been doing that?” “Do you have a regular group of people you do that with?”
“What do you want to do after school?” or “Do you think you’ll be at that job for long? What’s your dream job?” “What do you want to be doing, down the road?”
Open-ended questions can be used to follow up closed answers. If someone reticent to talk and says, “I’m doing ok, I guess” in response to your “What’s up?” Say, “What did you do today?” and follow it up with, “How did it go?” Get them talking. Open-ended questions have to do with opinions. You can’t answer an open-ended question with yes or no answers. Don’t ask closed questions, like “What’s your name?” or “Do you come here a lot?” This doesn’t give you anything to talk about.
“What’d you do today” or “What have you been up to since I’ve seen you?” “How was that project at school? Did you get it finished ok?” “Those pictures of vacation on Facebook looked great. How was the trip?”
Make eye contact with the person, and use open body language. Nod your head when you agree and focus on the conversation. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Follow up with things like, “Oh, wow. Then what happened?” or “How did that turn out?” Really listen and respond to what the other person is saying. Practicing training yourself to paraphrase, saying, “What I’m hearing is. . . " and “It sounds like what you’re saying is. . . " Never be more talkative by simply one-upping people in conversation, or responding to what they’ve said by talking about yourself all the time. Listen and respond.
Closed body language includes things like looking over your head and around the room, as if looking for an exit. Closed or crossed arms are sometimes a sign of closed body language, as well as leaning one’s shoulder toward you, or away from you. Open body language consists of leaning forward, making eye contact, and listen to the other person.
You don’t have to look like a grinning idiot, just look like you’re happy to be where you are, even if you’re feeling uncomfortable. No furrowed brows and sour faces. Lift your eyebrows and keep your chin up. Smile.
Ask about someone’s history with a particular subject. If someone mentions going running, ask them how long they’ve been running, whether or not they enjoy it, where they go running, and other associated questions. Ask about someone’s opinion of a particular subject. If someone mentions working at Burger King during high school, ask what it was like. Solicit their opinion. Always be following up. There’s no problem in following up someone’s short answer with, “Why’s that?” or “How?” Smile, to avoid seeming like you’re prying, and that you’re actually just curious.
You can always back-track if you need to, and say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry, I’m just curious. "
Lots of people worry about “sounding dumb” or that they’re going to not say the “right” thing, but this usually results in unnatural speech patterns and awkward timing in conversations. If you want to be more talkative, practice responding, even if you’re not positive what you’re going to say.
If you’re having drinks and talking about football, and then football dries up, gesture to the drink and ask something like, “How is that? What’s in it again?” Talk drinks for a while while you think of other subjects. Talk about what you want to talk about, and what you know a lot about. Things that you’re very knowledgeable about are interesting to other people, at least people who are worth talking to.
You don’t even have to know a lot about topics to engage in conversation. Say something like, “What’s the deal with this new Senate controversy? I haven’t really heard specifics. Have you?” You don’t have to be a man to fall into the “mansplaining” trap. Never assume that the person you’re talking to doesn’t know anything about a topic, even if it’s obscure, or very specific, or it may come off as condescension.
Many reticent people are also somewhat quiet, and introverted. Larger groups tend to favor extroverts and loud talkers, which means you’ll have to slightly tailor your voice to the group. Try this: grab the floor of the conversation by raising your voice to the level of the others, but then drop to your natural speaking voice when people are listening, so you don’t have to fake it. Bring them to you, not vice versa.
Try not to interrupt people by talking over, but use interjection words before they’re done, like saying, “So. . . " or “Wait a minute. . . " or even “I’ve got something to say,” and then waiting for them to finish. You’ll have grabbed the floor without talking over them completely.
Sometimes, if you feel like you’re getting run over by the conversation truck, it’s tempting to get frustrated and disengage from the conversation. But this will only make it more difficult to talk, and will keep others from recognizing that you might want to speak.
Make sure to soften disagreement by leading with, “I guess I’m seeing this a little differently, but. . . " or “Good point, but I’m not sure I agree. " You don’t have to adopt ideas or opinions that aren’t your own just to say something, especially if you can’t back it up. If you disagree though, feel free to voice it. Conversations aren’t cults that punish dissent.
Dad’s struggle to find purchase in larger groups. If you want to talk to someone, but struggle in a group of three or more people, take the person aside and talk. Then, talk to other people in the group one-on-one, to get into your own comfort zone. It won’t seem rude if you make the time for everyone.
In general, it can be hard to remember to bring up points you might have thought of while doing the reading in English class, or questions you had about the homework during math, so write these out and bring them up next time you’re in class. Nothing wrong with a script for school.
Only ask questions that benefit the group, or that apply to the group. It’s not appropriate to raise your hand to ask, “Why did I get a B on this?”
Wait for someone to say something that sounds good, then chip in with, “I agree” and paraphrase it in your own words. Easy comment points.
If someone says, “I think this book is really about the family dynamics and the bad stuff they’re all hiding, you know?” get your translation cap on and polish up the comment. Say, “I agree. I think you can really see the patriarchy at work in the father-son relationship displayed in this novel, especially in the downfall of the title character. " Bonus points for pointing out specifics. Find a quotation, or a problem in your book that illustrates a point someone else has brought up.
