If this is your goal, make sure you’re completely certain it’s the right thing. Are you willing to sacrifice your dignity? If the breakup is caused by an outside force (you), and not a natural problem in the relationship, the couple may still harbor feelings for each other which might grow stronger over time.
Just one warning: there’s a difference between being the confidant of your love interest, and falling into the Friend Zone with that person. Make sure you don’t act too buddy-buddy or friend-like with the person or they won’t ever be able to see you as a love interest. If one of the partners finds out, you are sure to fail. This does not work 99 percent of the time.
You can start by just letting the person talk about the relationship. Ask innocent questions. For example, if you know that her band was playing at a local venue the night before but that her boyfriend didn’t show up, innocently ask if he liked her show. Ask questions about how the person’s night went. If they seem kind of upset, just say, “How was your weekend?” and wait for them to reveal the rest. Ask, “How did that make you feel?” Keep it broad with general questions that encourage the person to keep talking – and to start seeing the cracks in their relationship. Unfortunately, you may be trying to break up a couple that is in a great relationship, which would make it difficult for the person to reveal anything negative. But if you’ve made yourself the person’s confidant, it’s less likely that the relationship is in great shape.
If the person has to explain their frustration further and you keep them talking, then they will notice the problems even more. Just keep the person talking any time something negative comes up. Questioning their thoughts will make the person explore them even further. Not criticizing their relationship will also make things better down the line. If you do end up together, no one can tell them that you sabotaged the previous relationship. When you ever openly criticize one of the partners, especially if your plan has failed, it proves you were trying to screw up the relationship.
This isn’t as manipulative as it sounds. If you want to be with the person for a good reason, then you should want to be a good partner to them, right? Don’t make a big deal about it. If they complain that their partner never does them favors, bring them lunch or coffee when they’re having a busy day at work. This may backfire, however, because they might just be using you as an emotional dump. Don’t go over the top with this. Doing these things and being a good person for the person you like will naturally make you start to fall into the role of a significant other, but don’t do anything too extreme, like get them flowers, or tell them how beautiful they look. It becomes obvious if you do something romantic like buying extravagant things, and the person may take advantage of this and use you for the gifts.
Don’t be too dependable. The person should see that you have a life of your own – beyond trying to break up the relationship. Being more present will help the person see what it would be like to be in a relationship with you. This should give them a good and more certain feeling about you.
Once you pinpoint whatever is wrong with the couple - and there may be many, many, things - you can go about making it so much worse. Turn that little crack into a gaping hole until they can’t help but fall in. If one person in the relationship wants to get married and the other is reluctant, find ways to bring up the subject of marriage. Talk about your parents’ anniversary, invite them to an engagement party, even send them a diamond ring catalog through the mail.
Don’t be obvious. Just casually introduce some activities that would naturally keep them away from each other.
When you’re hanging out with the friends of your love interest, don’t hang on to your love interest too much. Don’t make them think that you’re out for their friend; just make them notice that you’d make a great match with their friend.
You can make yourself available without texting or calling the person you like every five minutes. Set your trap and wait for them to come to you.
This will make the person think, “Oh no! This great friend I have may get snatched up. . . oh wait, why should I care? Could this mean that I have feelings for them?”
Tell the person you’re always there if they need to talk, and that you can’t imagine what they are going through. Still, don’t bad-mouth the other person. Calling the person’s ex a jerk or worse right after the breakup might make the person angry. Know what would cheer up the person. Give them a silly stuffed animal or take them out to a comedy. Just don’t do anything too romantic yet.
The best thing to do is to give the person time to heal and not to date at all until they are ready. But if feelings are serious, this is easier said than done. A lot of times, a breakup is kind of a form of death. There’s a part of us that has lost something that we had with somebody and that’s completely normal. You might have to wait a bit, leaving some space so the other person can shift their heart and spirit before they can start loving again. Be patient. [4] X Expert Source Luis CongdonRelationship Coach Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
Of course, if the person really wants to talk about the past relationship, you shouldn’t change the subject. But you can say that you think, in order to focus on your new relationship, you should leave the past behind as much as you can until you have firmer footing.
Sure, you might have used some devious tactics to make your new relationship happen, but if you want it to last, you should think only about the two of you being together - and nothing else. Even if you had a deep friendship before, you should find new things for you to do together as a couple that can define you as an item, not make you think of the past.
If you always ask about what the ex is up to or act jealous when the person spends time with others, you’ll be dooming your relationship to failure. If it’s really meant to last, then in the long run, you’ll find that you’ll stop worrying about the ex or the previous relationship. But this could take months - or even years. If you’re meant to be together forever, burying the past will be worth it.
