Put yourself out there. Approach the cute the barista and risk getting shot down when you ask for a date. Volunteer for extra responsibilities at work, even if you’re not sure you’ll be able to do them. Decide what you want out of life and grab it. Don’t come up with reasons to not do things, look for reasons to act. Take a risk by going on that rock climbing trip with your friends, even if you haven’t learned how to do it and are worried about embarrassing yourself. Take a risk by applying to those graduate schools with small student bodies. Don’t invent excuses, invent reasons. Building character doesn’t mean acting recklessly when it comes to your safety. Driving recklessly, or abusing substances has nothing to do with building character. Take productive risks.
Hang out with people who are older than you. Increasingly, we spend less and less time as a culture learning from our elders. As a young person, make it a goal to befriend someone much older than yourself and learn from their perspective. Spend time with older relatives, talking and learning. Hang out with people very different than you. If you tend toward a quiet and reserved personality, you might think of someone with an uncensored and loud way of talking has good character, and can learn to loosen up a little bit and speak your mind. Hang out with people you admire. The best way to build character is to hang around people you admire, who you want to be like, and who you can learn from. Don’t surround yourself with sycophants or convenient friends. Befriend powerful people you want to model yourself after.
Travel to uncomfortable places and figure out how to make yourself feel at home. Walk around a town you’ve never been in and get someone to ask you for directions. When you’re trying to come up with ways to get out of your comfort zone, think about the things you liked when you were younger. You might go back to an old hobby, for instance, or you might try something that you used to think would never be possible. [3] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.
Having a bad job helps you learn a lot about the way different business work, and the struggle some people face. Working at McDonald’s is a difficult and dignified job and a person of high character will recognize that. Be a more open-minded and understanding person by working.
Take small steps toward building your character. Pick one thing that you’d like to work on at a time. Maybe you want to be a better listener with your partner, or be more committed at work. Take it a day at a time and build the skills slowly. Don’t try to take everything on at once. You’ll do better when you focus on one new skill or trait at a time. It’s common to look back on yourself in your younger years and be embarrassed. Bad haircuts, outbursts, and immaturity. Don’t be embarrassed. Take your embarrassment as a sign that you’re building character.
If a friend stands you up when you had plans, or if your boss fails to mention all the hard work you put in at a meeting, a person of character will let it slide sometimes. Learn from the past and be more cautious and calculated with your expectations next time. A person of character focuses on the bigger picture. Tearing the general a new one would have accomplished nothing but alienating him from Lincoln, making the situation worse. What’s done is done, and what’s past is past. Try to focus on the future.
Write angry screeds in a notebook, then tear it out and burn it. Listen to Slayer while you lift heavy stuff at the gym. Go running. Find a physical and healthy way to get the frustration out of your system and let it go. On House of Cards, Frank Underwood, stoic and sleazy politician, likes to blow off steam playing violent video games after a long day of cutting deals in the House of Representatives. It’s more than just a funny character trait: everyone needs a way to unwind. Find yours.
If you need to vent, find mutually-beneficial vent partners and meet up to open up with each other. Then talk about other things and focus on happier times. Don’t just dwell on the bad.
Compete at little things to help learn this skill. It’s hard to learn to lose graciously when you’re talking about major, life-changing competitions, like getting into college, competing for a job, or more serious competitive moments. Build these traits playing board games, sports, and other littler ways of competing, so you can have the essential foundation for the more important stuff. Be a good winner, too. Remember how it feels to come up short and neither condescend nor criticizer the loser. Celebrate in private, but celebrate.
In school, don’t challenge yourself to get “good grades,” challenge yourself to do the best work that you’re capable of doing. Maybe an A isn’t high enough for what you can achieve. At work, volunteer for extra responsibilities, put in extra hours at the office, and go above and beyond each time you do your work. Whatever you do, do it right. At home, commit to bettering yourself in your free time. Nights that might be spent aimlessly shuffling things around your Netflix queue could be spend learning guitar, or getting cracking on that novel you’ve always wanted to write, or fixing up that old roadster. Take your hobbies seriously.
Go about failure in a scientific way. If you started a company that ended up bankrupt, or if your band just broke up, or if you lost your job, welcome the failure. There, you might say, was one wrong answer that you can check off the list of possible right answers. You’re just making your job easier. Remember that often you get more from the journey than you do the destination. Try to enjoy the progress you make, including the failures, shortcomings, and false starts that get you there.
A person of high character is also someone satisfied with what they have. Maybe for you, staying in your hometown, marrying your sweetheart, and having some kids is the best possible life you can imagine. Go for it. Pop the question and be satisfied.
When you’re trying to find your purpose, think about how you’re interested in giving back to the world. Then, use that as a starting point for the direction you want to go. [5] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MALife Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.
Try to imagine all the possible outcomes of a given situation. If you’re thinking about moving across the country to pursue a career in acting, what might happen? What will happen if you stay? Can you live with either outcome? What does it mean to “make it”? A person of high character, when recognizing defining moments, makes the right decision. If you’re being tempted to stab a coworker in the back to get ahead, is it the right choice for you if it comes with a bigger paycheck? Will you be able to live with it? Only you can make that call.
People of high character avoid indulgent behavior. Sleeping the day away, staying out all night drinking, and loafing around for no reason are not generally the behaviors of people high in character. Be a moral compass, not a beacon of sloth. Try to align your hobbies and your work as much as possible. If you enjoy reading books and daydreaming, go into academics and put your poetic senses to good use. If you like punching heavy bags, become a gym rat and start working at the gym. If you’re doing what you want to do, you’ll build character.
