Holding hands is even good for your health: studies have shown that holding hands can reduce anxiety. When you hold someone’s hand, your heart rates and breathing begin to synchronize, which creates feelings of comfort. [3] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source You can also build chemistry and intimacy in your relationship by using other forms of physical touch. [4] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDRelationship Expert Expert Interview. 29 May 2019. Try giving your partner a light back or shoulder rub. This doesn’t have to lead to sex—you can just enjoy feeling your partner’s body. [5] X Research source
This isn’t the time to share secrets that could hurt your partner’s feelings. Don’t tell them that you hated the birthday gift they got for you, unless you know they’ll be light-hearted about it. Keep your secrets focused on stories about you that they don’t already know. If you’re struggling to come up with something to tell your partner, think about a memory you might have from the time before you knew them. You might say something like, “I once did something terrible as a child, and I still think about it sometimes. ”
If you haven’t been having sex, try regularly scheduling it for a night when you both feel unstressed. You can build up tension that way, which can be a great way of adding a spark to your sex life. [8] X Research source If you’ve only been having sex in your bedroom, try renting a hotel room for the night, or driving down to a new place. [9] X Research source You can open up a conversation with your partner about this by saying something like, “Tell me about what kinds of things you have sexual fantasies about. I want to explore them with you. ”
You don’t necessarily have to visit the very first place you met if it’s inconvenient (no need to head back to your college classroom), but take a trip with your partner to a location where you share happy memories of being together. You might take a trip to the restaurant you shared your first meal at, or you could even rewatch a movie that you saw together early in your relationship. If you want to bring up this idea with your partner, you can say something like, “I’ve been thinking a lot about that day we spent at the beach. Maybe we could go again this weekend?”
It’s alright to be a little nervous before doing something new. In fact, it can actually be good! The anxiety you might feel before, say, getting on a huge rollercoaster can be channeled into a feeling of security and chemistry with your partner. You can bring this up with your partner by telling them something like, “I’ve always hated haunted houses, but I think I’d like them more if I went with you. ” They’ll enjoy the trust you’re placing in them.
Exercise can be an even better way of reducing stress and increasing positive feelings of connection with your partner. Ask them if they want to take a bike ride with you, or go on a quick jog. [13] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
Studies have shown that open communication is the key to chemistry. Finding ways to make sure you and your partner have time to talk about anything that’s on your mind will bring you closer together. [15] X Research source You can bring this up with your partner by saying something like, “I know we’re both busy, but let’s start taking some time every night to talk for a little. ”
You might end up feeling a lot of emotions doing this—laughter, sadness, or even sexual attraction. Talk to your partner about what came up for you afterward, and have them share their feelings as well. [17] X Research source If you’re not sure how to bring up doing this activity with your partner, say something like, “Hey, I’ve been reading about this thing online, and I want to try it with you. ” More likely than not, you’ll pique their curiosity.
It’s never too late to show some appreciation. Saying something like, “I didn’t mention this to you before, but I really appreciated you making dinner last week, even though you had so much stress,” can be a pleasant surprise for your partner.
The gift doesn’t need to be expensive, but it should be meaningful, and you can only find out what is meaningful to your partner by listening to them. Pay attention when your partner says that they like or wish they could have certain things. For instance, if your partner says something like, “Those flowers are really beautiful,” while you’re outside together, it could be a wonderful gift to find out what they are and bring some for them later.
On the other hand, having no chemistry with your partner for a long period of time might mean it’s time to call things off. If the thought of sex interests you, but the thought of sex with your partner specifically is a turn-off, you might want to consider finding another relationship. [22] X Research source Remember that every relationship is different, and you’ll have to judge for yourself how long is long enough without chemistry. Trust yourself![23] X Research source
