If you still feel tense after counting to 10, try counting backwards from 10 to 1. Sometimes you’ll need even more time to calm down. In this case, try counting backwards from 100. You can do this counting exercise anywhere: at home, in the bathroom, in the elevator, or anywhere you are when you feel negative thoughts and frustrations come up.
Breathe while counting to 10. Inhale on the even numbers and exhale on the odd numbers. You can even add an easy visualization by imagining you are breathing in a color that relaxes you, like blue or green. When you exhale, imagine a grey plume of smoke that represents your negative thoughts or emotions leaving your body. [5] X Research source Breathwork as a Therapeutic Modality: An Overview for Counselors By: Young, J. Scott; Cashwell, Craig S. ; Giordano, Amanda L. . Counseling and Values, v55 n1 p113-125 Oct 2010. Sit comfortably with your hands on your belly. Breathe deeply into your belly and exhale fully from your belly. Allow your awareness to go to places in your body that feel tense. For example, many people hold tension in their necks, shoulders, knees, lower backs, or arms and hands. Breathe into the places in your body where you feel tension and allow the tension to melt away as you exhale. It might help to play some relaxing music while you do these exercises.
Avoid storming off if you’re upset since that can cause communication breakdown between you and others. Instead, say something like, “I’m feeling really upset right now and need to take a break. I’m going to take a short walk. " Try going for as long of a walk as you need. Imagine that with each step you’re letting your frustrations flow right down through your feet. Try to find a park or green space to walk in. Give yourself a break from thinking about what made you upset. [7] X Research source Psychological effects of forest environments on healthy adults: Shinrin-yoku (forest-air bathing, walking) as a possible method of stress reduction. By: Morita, E. ; Fukuda, S. ; Nagano, J. ; Hamajima, N. ; Yamamoto, H. ; Iwai, Y. ; Nakashima, T. ; Ohira, H. ; Shirakawa, T. Public Health (Elsevier). Jan2007, Vol. 121 Issue 1, p54-63. 10p.
It may seem difficult or even corny at first but try talking to yourself to practice acknowledging your emotions. Say something like, “I’m feeling really upset right now. That is okay. I can control how I respond to these feelings. " Consider writing down your thoughts when you’re upset. Writing thoughts down in the moment will help you examine them later when you’re in a calmer state of mind.
Laughing is not an attempt to minimize what you’re upset about. It’s just a strategy to help control how you are feeling and how you respond to those feelings. Make sure that the humor you use is not mean-spirited or sarcastic. Those kinds of humor can actually make you feel more upset. [10] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Look for music with about 60 beats per minute, which can help your brain synchronize your heartbeat with the beat of the music. This may induce a calm, relaxed state. Classical music, light jazz, “easy listening,” or New Age artists such as Enya may be particularly helpful. [11] X Research source You can find several websites that supply your mobile phone with calming music. This way, you can easily calm yourself down. [12] X Research source The most important thing is that you enjoy the music you play. While it’s popular to claim that listening to angry music makes you angrier, research has not found a clear connection between these things. So if you enjoy “extreme” music, it may also help you control your emotions when you’re angry or upset. [13] X Research source
For example, if you are upset about having accidentally broken something, you may think things like: “Nothing ever goes right for me. " Or, “Everything always gets messed up. " These are examples of all-or-nothing thinking, a common “thought trap. “[15] X Research source Instead, try to reframe your thoughts to statements like, “It was just an accident. Accidents happen all the time. " Or, “Everybody makes mistakes. It doesn’t mean I need to get upset. " You may also become upset if you jump to conclusions about others or “personalize” situations, making them about you when they aren’t. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you may get angry and believe that person intentionally harmed you. This is personalization. [16] X Research source If this happens, reframe the situation: the driver probably didn’t see you or is new to driving. There are many explanations other than a personal attack. It’s important to remember this since feeling personally injured or attacked is a common cause of anger. [17] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Go for a run, take a trip to the gym, or punch a punching bag. Less intense activities like gentle stretching or walking work well too. Stretching increases blood flow throughout the body, which can help release tense muscles. It can also leave you feeling refreshed and relaxed. Some people find a cleaning project calming because it’s physical, shows immediate results, and can help distract your mind by doing something proactive and useful. Clutter may also increase feelings of stress, so reducing clutter may help you feel more calm and relaxed. [20] X Research source
For example, you can’t control irresponsible drivers, annoying peers, or conflicts in relationships. But you can control how you respond to the irritations. Try taking time to pamper yourself by giving yourself time to read a great book, taking a calming bath, or giving yourself time to go on a long walk in your neighborhood.
Recognize the experience. Acknowledge what is happening at the present moment. Notice how you feel, what your body is experiencing, and what you’re thinking. Allow yourself to feel these things. When you encounter thoughts and feelings brought up by an experience, allow yourself to feel them. Too often, we try to repress our emotions, which can end up making us more stressed and upset. Acknowledge that your emotions exist, and that they are neither “right” nor “wrong” – they simply are. Investigate the situation with kindness. Show yourself the same compassion you would show to a friend. For example, if you are feeling stressed out, you might feel that you are stupid or worthless. Investigate these thoughts. Would you say these things to a friend? Try showing yourself kindness instead by telling yourself something compassionate like “I am worthy. " Natural loving awareness will arise when you practice the first three steps. This will allow you to detach from those generalizations like “I’m a loser” or “I’m stupid. " You will realize that while those feelings may show up, they most likely appear because of a fear or insecurity.
You don’t have to meditate for hours to see a benefit. Even taking 15 minutes a day to meditate can help you become calmer. For example, some people find it helpful to meditate as soon as they wake up in the morning. This way, you are already calm and sleepy. Just hit the snooze on your alarm, sit up, and focus on your breathing. Daily meditation can help lower your stress response, make it easier to let go of smaller frustrations, and create a calmer mindset when dealing with conflicts of any kind. [25] X Research source
Remember that yoga is not about getting into peak physical fitness, nor is it a competition. Check out wikiHow’s wide selection of Yoga articles for further information.
Exploring your feelings can help you feel calmer and more empowered to deal with daily challenges because you’ll know that you have ways to deal with your feelings. [28] X Research source Dynamics of Self-Understanding and Self-Knowledge: Acquisition, Advantages, and Relation to Emotional Intelligence. By: Hamachek, Don. Journal of Humanistic Counseling, Education & Development. Jun2000, Vol. 38 Issue 4, p230. 13p Remember to use self-compassion when journaling. [29] X Research source Studies suggest that simply writing about your negative feelings or stress is insufficient to help you. You should also try to be kind to yourself about your feelings and find ways to brainstorm solutions. [30] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source For example, if you found yourself feeling very angry with a coworker, write about that experience in your journal. What happened? How did you feel? How did you respond in the moment? Would you change anything about the way you responded? What can you do to avoid responding in this way in the future?
Inactivity can actually create tension and stress, making you more likely to overreact to situations that upset you. [32] X Research source
Try cutting out caffeine and sugar for a few weeks to see if you feel calmer and more relaxed. Then, you can gradually add small amounts of caffeine or sugar, if you like. [35] X Research source Even if you do decide to drink caffeine, make sure to consume no more than 400mg per day as an adult or 100mg per day as a teen. [36] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source [37] X Research source Try to eat a healthy snack every 3 to 4 hours. This helps keep your blood sugar constant, which can prevent mood swings and irritability. [38] X Research source
If you choose to drink alcohol, do so only in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism suggests that males drink no more than 4 drinks per day and no more than 14 drinks per week. Females should drink no more than 3 drinks per day and no more than 7 drinks per week. [40] X Research source A single “drink” refers to 12 oz. of regular beer, 8-9 oz. of malt liquor, 5oz. of wine, or 1. 5 oz. (a shot) of 80-proof liquor. [41] X Research source Don’t drink alcohol right before bed. Although it may make you feel drowsy at first, alcohol interferes with REM sleep and can leave you feeling fatigued the next day. [42] X Research source
Get into a pre-sleep routine. Avoid screens, such as the computer or TV, before bed. Have a cup of herbal tea or take a warm bath. Do the same thing each evening before bed. Avoid caffeine and nicotine before bed. These are stimulants and could keep you awake. Try to wake up and go to bed at the same time each day, even on weekends. This will help your body clock stay regular.
Manage your time efficiently. A lot of people waste a lot of time during the day. Eliminate distractions so you’re productive when at work, school, or focusing on homework. By accomplishing what you have to do more efficiently, you’ll have more time to focus on the activities that help you relax. Set boundaries to help you manage your time. If you’re an adult, consider not answering any work emails when you’re at home. If you’re a student, try to finish your homework by a certain time every night. If texting and social media is keeping you from focusing on other things that make you happy, turn off your phone or computer at the same time every night and give yourself a break![47] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Schedule time for fun. Particularly if you have a busy schedule, “me-time” may get pushed off your radar entirely. Try to schedule some relaxation time for yourself, even putting it into your calendar or agenda. [48] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
